A Lesson In Humility

Today was an interesting day. I had a late night and a somewhat early morning. This morning I had a conversation with someone who was concerned with my actions. She basically speaks her mind and doesn't disguise the truth behind courtesy (at least in these matters). She really opened my eyes to what I didn't know what going on because I had been so blinded by my personal interests.

Just how I missed it, I'm not sure. But I am SO thankful for what she told me and even though it was tough to take, I don't think I could be the same without it.

Here is how I will sum up what I was told: pay attention to those around you. There is truth in the axiom others above self, especially all-year round. Think about how you are affecting others. Think about how what you say or do or look like affects them. Realize that you are NOT alone and others DO look up to you and pay attention to your attitude. Keep yourself vigilant and on task. If you want to make others happy, you need to BE happy. If you are sad, others will be sad.

If someone truly looks up to you, watch what you tell him or her and how you act about things concerning him or her. You could be endangering his or her well being (as I was).

That is all I have for now. There's a LAN party to get to!

In Love,

Nick

And we're back...

So it's been a long long time.

So, I'll start with an update. I'm currently situated on the floor in my basement where I have my computer set up. I was watching War Games earlier on G4. Hmm, what else... I got a text from a friend contemplating how people are infinitely more forgiving of a person's faults posthumously as opposed to his or her heavy scrutiny while he or she is alive. We then continued to text about that situation and how celebrities are on pedestals and what we could do to remedy ourselves of this. We decided to become a recluse would be inadequate because we would not be able to spread Love to people. It is a delicate balance and one that cannot remain unchecked for fear of turning to either side.

For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leadeth unto life, and few be they that find it. Matt 7.14

This verse is so true. We need the cliffs of ego abject hopelessness on either side of the pathway to the Kingdom to keep ourselves in check. It also is imperative to have someone to keep you accountable. The self is blind to its own shortcomings. How's that for some theological discourse?

So onto the updating... Well I have an amazing girlfriend. Her name is Sawyer. She is also a senior at Leo. I don't know what else to tell you without getting silly.

I went to a dance for mentally handicapped people last night because Sawyer interns for a special education teacher. The student with whom Sawyer works was going to be there, so I went along with Sawyer. I met Abbey for the first time. She is deaf and I really like her. She's pretty awesome and really cute. I need to work on my sign language. I need to work on it A LOT. She's awesome.

Okay. So that's about all I have to say right now. Hope to see you all again soon!

Nick

Well, I'm poor at committments to blogger...

Obviously, considering that I haven't kept up with what I said I would do. :\

But I have had a oscillation of moods this past month. It's been up and down as far as how I am feeling. But I suppose my whole life is the oscillation of moods. Where would I be if I was the same emotion all the time? Not human, that's for sure.

So I have made friends with Kea. And by made friends I mean become better friends than we were before when we just kinda knew each other in band. And I really enjoy it (being her friend).

Today was a good day. Yesterday was a not too good day. Monday was a good day. Sunday was a good day. Next week is a break from school and I'm excited for my cousin to be visiting. I haven't seen him for a couple years. So i'm excited for that.

I've written a lot with this trimester activating my brain. Last trimester was a dead zone for creativity.

Signing off,
Nick

The Coincidence Thing

You know the whole thing where you get that coincidence feeling? Where something just is so perfect and there is no way that it could just be chance? I've had that a lot recently.

To put it bluntly (very bluntly) what i have been dealing with intimately has become the subject of bible study or sunday school or the thing in the next chapter in spanish. it blows my mind because of the coincidences! but relly, i don't believe in coincidences. things happen for a reason. so this should all be for the better. maybe i can make this a better post later...

¿Qué quieres ser en el futuro? ¿Por qué?

(una redacción escribí para la clase de español)

No sé que quiero ser. Creo que ser un traductor sería divertido. Me encanta aprender idiomas y las culturas del mundo. Me interesan. Quiero ir a Europa y hablar con la gente allí en su idioma. Para mi, ¡esto sería muy muy divertido!

Pero, ¿qué trabajo sería para mí? Si seré un traductor, ¿estarían contentos mis padres? Cuando iré a la universidad quiero completar aprendiendo el español, alamán, francés y quizás otros idiomas.

También quiero hacer el servicio social en todo del mundo. Será muy fácil si sabré muchas idiomas. Quiero visitar la gente sin hogar y ayudarla. Pero esto no es un trabajo.

En fin, no sé que quiero ser. Quizá seré un traductor, quizás un profesor de idiomas. Sin saber que quiero ser podré seguir mis sueños.

Over an Orange

i realize i spend a lot of my time staring out the window at the cruel injustices within my own life. i do not do anything about them but comment on them like the weather. It's as if my very nature is to further encourage the unjust and vile things in this world by talking more than walking.

Yesterday as i was reading the book Jesus Wants to Save Christians i felt like there was too much going on for me to sit idly at my window. i decided i would protest the american gluttony by eating only one meal a day. i just want to draw America's attention to the fact that people in many parts of the world are starving to death while we throw out at least 10% of the food we buy.

americans eat three meals a day while many people eat three meals a week

where is the justice in that?

why is america concerned with protection when we should be concerned with generosity?

why is america about the latest in everything while starving children struggle to remember the last meal they ate?

could america be any more wrong?

could we be any more wrong?

A Culmination of Crici

Yesterday i went with a small group of friends to see the movie Bedtime Stories. i really liked it. One of the better movies that i've seen in theaters recently.

The interesting thing about the movie was that it basically boiled down to one thing: life can have a happy ending if you do something crazy to make the crummy times become better; life can have a happy ending if you choose to save the day.

That got me thinking, because i have bad days all the time. What if all it takes to remove a bad day is to break into the extra-ordinary of heroics/going that extra meter. Yet that always seems like so much work whereas just being down in the dumps is the lazy way of dealing with things.

Blech, sometimes i abhor the way i am. Especially when my devil whispers into my head to do the things that i attempt to stand against. It is very hard to not be a hypocrite. In fact, i'd say darn near impossible.

So why the title "A Culmination of Crici?" Because not only do i like to take poetic license to make my own words (here, crici is the plural of crisis) but also because all kinds of things in my life have been culminating (in a way) and some of it has been chaotic and hurtful.

One example that i like that is neither of the aforementioned (.. hmm not very good at decriptions i am) is about this girl i like. She is in the same vocal studio that i am, so i get to see her there and she also attends spanish training with me. i'm not so sure why i like her because we are drastically different in terms of our personalities. She is loud and outgoing and all for a good time while i'm quiet and reserved and more pensive (good time is still a goal, but i'd rather achieve it through talking instead of being all crazy and, for myself, embarrassing). So yeah. Um, i wrote her a note explaining that i like her and that her best friend likes me (i am mostly sure about that) and so it may not be a good thing to do anything about me liking her. i told her in the note that it wasn't a big deal and if we just let it sit, nothing would come of it, but she hasn't mentioned the note at all. Frankly, i have no idea if she read it even, and it is driving me crazy not to know!

Another crisis of late is my friend of next-door-ness told me how she hates me because i'm a hypocrite. i definitely understand that i am, but it is such a difficult thing to change. Not only that, but i try really hard not to make fun of her because she takes crap all the time, so when i'm around her if i can't think of anything nice to say, i just shut my mouth. Well, that happened too much and so she definitely is fed up with me about that and claims i make fun of her as much as my friends do (which is a whole lot and they're a bunch of jerks for it) but that is a false claim. Tonight she is having a birthday party and she even texted me about me getting pulled over for speeding this afternoon. So, i'm not sure how the night will play out.

i will put down another thing recent in my life that i would include under this title before i let you get back to your life. i am crazy about spanish, and i think my passion for it really applies to any foreign language. so i'm stoked about going to college to learn a whole lot of spanish and its culture (which is the most fascinating part of any language: the culture). But the unfortunate thing is that the best spanish teacher ever is leaving my high school right before my senior (last) year. This is devastating because our other spanish teachers have no legitimate accent and that is something crucial to my learning. So i will probably take it at the community college and so that will eat up all of my electives.

Not only that, but i have no idea where i want to go to college at. This is somewhat of a problem because people are always asking me where i am going and i always have to say i'm still looking. It'd be great to finally decide so that i could tell them definitely.

And so that's what i've got. i think i will go ahead and post another to put down some random thoughts that i wanted to squeeze in here, but they have no segway.

Until next time,
Nick

Injustice of Justification

Originally posted Sunday the 25 of January at 12:08 on Facebook

today at church we had an open forum discussion about self-image and the possible dangers, etc etc.

i was thinking on my way home how there are many ways to justify the various habits we have that are not for the betterment of everyone. having finished crazy love my mind is also moving a lot because of it. (really great book. i had some reservations when i started, but all in all it turned out really great)

so we justify ourselves when we can't bear to actually face the truth. this is what i have gained from my own personal experience. here is an example:

so, i always fight within myself when i justify things because it is comfort over character. and i really want to start to model my life the opposite direction: character over comfort. it would be really cool to paint that on my wall.

okay, so self-image is connected to justification because we justify focusing on what we look like by...well, then again i think a lot of self image is that we aren't even thinking about god at all. it is all about ourselves. hmmm..

okay so justification comes into play because you "justify" buying a new outfit for a party because your old ones just aren't good enough. or you "justify" not saying hello to the person who walks down the street past you because what if he/she doesn't like the way you say something or is offended.

how does saying those things bring justice?

(oh, and i realize how horribly written this note is. forgive me.)

Here we go. I just had a revelation:

okay, so i justify NOT giving away all i have and TRULY following jesus because of my self-image. This being i need to get an education, have a job...

that being said, my point in the injustice of justification is that because of justification god's justice is not getting done. i am not living. i am dead because of this justification. i'm in hell.

Ramblings Quite Ramificating

Originally Posted miércoles, 21 de enero de 2009 a las 7:14 on Facebook

So the question arises and my mind runs rampart. Without trying to create a thought it happens.

My mind is always running 100 miles per hour. There cannot be a question on that matter. It is that way because i am that way. I notice a lot of things. Though, most of my attention goes to what is new for me. That is why i will not always recognize your haircut or you new blouse: i am probably looking at the wall or something.

Lol. The funny thing is that also i have all kinds of trouble remembering where i put things. Possibly the most aggrivating quality about myself. Organization has begun to play a key role in my life now because of it.

As of late, i have spent time considering truth. It can be found within everything. I'm pretty sure i understand it to my ability right now. I think now's as good of time as any for penning my goal. Well, would mision statement be a better description? Here it is: i want to lead people to spiriual growth and an understanding of the truth through means they can learn from

You see, it isn't a really a mission statement. And i think a lot of it arises from my unhappiness with Christianity's one-sided approach to "salvation." This bigs me to no end completely. My frustration is something not pleasant to write down.

I get worked up so much by the scare tactics of "you'll go to hell if you don't believe in jeses. You'll be condemned for eternity." That makes me so ...don't make me get into it.

I suppose i'm just building up this so i can put what i believe on this matter. Here goes it: heaven and hell are not places as much as happiness and sorrow are not places. Life is all we get. Hell and heaven are not some place we go after life, but are rather internal 'places' during life. One example i find readily available is of the business executive concerned only with profits. The glutton at the top. I would consider him in hell. If you follow, great. If not, i wouldn't worry about it.

Thank you for your time.

Empezando

Here we go. i begin to write on here again. Of course, one post is nothing for setting a pattern. It will be the following posts that determine whether or not this section of the internet will return from the dead.

Currently jammin to Backseat Goodbyes. But, you know how music goes. Today i listened to a lot of different things because i had the time to.

Possibly going to use this in the future for the updates on myself, travels, life, school, et al.

i think it will work, but that's been said before.

Amazing thing. Learn about this, NOW.

The Meaning of Life Among Other Things

First off, the meaning of life. What do you think it is? (take time right now to tell me. i want to know).

Now that that is taken care of, I will tell you what I think it means. What do I think? Well, recently the bible study I frequent has studied this concept, and it is very somewhat profound. It has to deal with what one thinks is the center of everything (hence the meaning of life) I believe the meaning of life is to be in the kingdom of heaven. (Nice straight forward answer..) And having something to live for basically gives one's life meaning... so anything would be right.

Anyway, it's pretty cool how one can live for whatever he or she wants to, and it will be the meaning of life. An interesting question posed by Andy: (posibly a paraphrase)

"Suppose Jesus showed up at your house right now. You know that he's Jesus, but you don't know what he is about. With him are a bunch of prostitutes, thiefs, and even the murderer you saw convicted on the news the other day. He asks you to drop everything and follow him. What do you do?"

Most of us wouldn't follow him. In fact, that was the first thing I thought. How much has the American society contaiminated Americans? Quite a lot, I'd say. (I by no means am uncontaminated)

Alex had a good question when he asked, "What do you say when someone asks you, 'If there is a God, why does he let people die in Africa?' " I wanted to answer this question as this (I said it totally not what I meant when I answered in person) "God does help those people. Rather, he provides an opportunity to help those people with the Kingdom of God. He doesn't leave them out there alone, but rather he invites us to help them. So if we follow his invitation, there wouldn't be those kind of people." And I also want to point whoever is reading this to Andrew Husen's long note on this kind of subject. It is very very cool. http://hs.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=6915090980&f&index=3

I'm done for now. So i'll go to bed, but please tell me what you're thinking.

"As I Sit Here and Wait" a poem

As I sit here and wait
My Mind slowly does churn
Memories of you around and around.

The sound of your soothing voice
The smell of your infatuating scent
The touch of your smooth skin
The sight of your unmatched beauty

Time turns to stone
As I wait alone
Unrighteous anger makes me its home.

The sound of him making you laugh
The touch of his hand in yours
The sound of his endearment to you
The touch of his lips to yours

My fists are clenched
Sweat crosses my brow
I fight the anger away.

It makes me sunken and hollow
It tells me I will never have a chance with you
It creates my depression
It foretells my unhappiness

But I fight my anger away.

The anger banished
I sit and wait
Now only a test of my patience remains

As I sit here and wait
Our lives go on
I await the time when they'll combine

Band Stuff, Fun Stuff, and My Life

Friday was fun (after the game). (Not that the game was boring ((it was)).) 5th quarter was after the game and I participated in both the Euchre and Ping-pong tourneys, mainly just to have a good time.

There was a bungee-run there and it was big. I didn't go on it, but many people who did proudly displayed their burns. Logan Wulpi was my partner in Euchre and we lost. The cards were against us. But also we were facing Brianna Russel and Nathan Law and Logan was getting really annoyed with Bri. I was laughing. She's a funny kid.

Anyway, Logan was quick to leave. Bri and Nate won the championship. Post-championship match, Bri and I played against Josh Blauser and Jennifer Wulpi. It was getting past midnight, so we left the game 7-6, our lead. We'll have to play again (that's for all of you).

Crazy weekend. Saturday was long (I got up at too-early o' clock). I had a lot of band stuff going on. We had a competition at Homestead in the morning and then we were at the Snider Parade of Champions at Wayne HS.

In the morning at Homestead, we had a twelve point jump over last week! It was crazy. We didn't do that well at Wayne, but we were still over 60 points. So that's good. (It's Great!)

Then I put the finishing touches on a video I was editing for church (link coming soon) and it turned out pretty well. Made for a late night, but I got to sleep in a little.

Church was cool. The sermon was really cool. Inspiring because it was about what I like to do (or wish to do a lot). (Which would be doing something nice for someone I don't know who really needs it. I just warms one's heart, you know?)

Then after that I stayed after and helped the youth group do stuff for the Worman-Lightfoot Insurance Luncheon. It was long and dogged.

Afterword, the youth went to Dairy Queen. Then I went to the Wulpi's for some Halo 3 on borrowed XBOX 360's. It was fun. Came home. Left. Halo 3. Home. IHOP for family dinner. Home for stuff I should be doing now.

That's enough of that half-pint jazz, here's where it all pays off:

Just a Little Information

Hello. I guess I will be using this blog more often as I try to use it more often. (That made sense, trust me) Now it is linked up to my FaceBook notes and my loyal readers there (lol) will get the same stuff I put here. Very cool.

Just want to share with everyone my solo for Jazz Choir went along well. Not as good as it could have been, but when Andy played the guitar, I sounded 10 times better. I am planning on asking him to play for me when I perform next time. ... Did you want the story on that? Read on.

Andy and I did accompany Bryn on her solo (I played bass, Andy: guitar) and we did a very nice job. Then later, it was my time to shine (as I put it). I got up to the piano, and dove on in (after introducing the name of the song). So basically I plunked out the F chord, C chord, Fm Chord, and the Fsus Chord (as I would call them) and sang "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen," an American Folk Song.

I was not very good. But I got a lot of constructive criticism. Anyway, Mrs P suggested Andy play guitar as an accompaniment to me, and WOW it sounded so much better. We only did the first verse, but it was SO SO SO SO much better. OMG. Anyway, that's that story.

The band made it to regionals. (Barely) And we are working really hard this week. We have to make up ten points in order to get a gold at regionals (our goal for the season). A gold takes 64 points. And so regionals is the 13 of October. Fun stuff. This weekend, the sixth of October, we have a double competition. (Homestead and Snider) Check out indianamarching.com for more information.

So it's pretty crazy around these parts. I have had some pretty creative writing sessions (pretty intense) recently and it is revealing. Happens sporadically, but it is really cool. I have posted most of it on FaceBook. Check it out.